My Breastfeeding Journey Was Not Easy: 5 Things That Helped
Before I had my son, I decided that I wanted to breastfeed him. I had read all the benefits about breastfeeding for both of us — the list is long: oxytocin for mom and baby, melatonin for baby in the evening and at night, less sickness overall for baby, shortened length of sickness for baby, optimal gut microbiome, fewer ear infections for baby, amazing bonding and nervous system regulation, decreased breast and ovarian cancers for mothers starting at 6 months — and there are more. I remember thinking that it was the natural thing to do. All animals feed their babies, and I didn’t see why we couldn’t make it work.
I remember being a little nervous, like, what if it doesn’t work out for me? So I bought some formula from Germany, which is still sitting in the nursery, and I never used it. Formula from out of the country is generally healthier, as it doesn’t contain high fructose corn syrup and has less sugar and cleaner ingredients overall. There’s a lot of political correctness when it comes to making sure people feel good about their choice in feeding. “Fed is best” would be the politically correct way to say it, but breastmilk is factually the best food you can give your infant. That being said, breastfeeding is challenging to establish, and there is no shame in doing what works best for you and your baby. I am not going to pretend like it’s not difficult, nor am I going to pretend like our mothers have the support they need to thrive.
Breastfeeding is much harder than it used to be. Women used to be around one another in sort of a village setup where they’d all help each other with their babies and would be exposed to breastfeeding often. There’s so much shame in our society around breastfeeding in public, which is utterly ridiculous, and the sexualization of body parts doesn’t help. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t until 2018 when breastfeeding in public was finally legal in all 50 states. Mind blown! Additionally, women often don’t get maternity leave long enough to establish a breastfeeding relationship and are required to go back into work and pump. It’s so unfair. Breastfeeding is a full-time job in itself!
I was reading a post the other day from Goodnight Moon Child — Brittany Chambers — who brilliantly writes raw, fringy (or let’s just call it real), and honest things about motherhood. She started a conversation about the sacrifice of being a mother and cutting back, quitting your job, and being more frugal in order to stay home with your baby. It was very well said. Doing this would give mothers more time to establish such a breastfeeding relationship with their babies — for both themselves and their little ones. It can take a while. There are tremendous brain changes that take place postpartum (and during the first 3 years) for both mom and baby that, if nurtured well, will result in positive brain changes for life.
When I got home from the hospital, I could not get the latch. I had never watched anyone breastfeed before, so I relied on the lactation consultant at the hospital and my birth doula to show me what to do. I also did not watch any of the recommended videos that my doula suggested I watch. Little did I know it would take a month of lactation consultant visits, tears, anxiety, pumping, and bodywork for my baby to get to a place that was bearable!
My baby had congenital torticollis, which made latching on the right side very difficult, so I had to sit down and do football position for him on that side. I had to really shove his head over my nipples. It was not pleasant, and I was always worried I was going to hurt him. My nipples started bleeding, and I had some silver cups from one of my best friends, thankfully, that I kept on them with some nipple cream. I talked to one lactation consultant over the phone who was incredibly nice, but talking about how to breastfeed is like telling someone how to drive a car.
I saw another lactation specialist that my cousin recommended, though this was like a 2-hour appointment in her office, and I still left feeling frustrated and not sure what to do. I went home and cried, but my husband kept telling me I could do it because he knew how much I wanted it to work. I knew I could, but I was exhausted and in pain. I didn’t want to give up. People kept telling me, “Pretty soon you’ll be able to latch any which way.” It seemed crazy to even think that far ahead.
In the meantime I pumped, which I hated doing, and we fed him with a slow flow nipple bottle that emulates the breast nipple. The brand was Pigeon. A wonderful lactation specialist showed us how to bottle feed in a way that makes it easy to go back and forth between the bottle and the breast. People often get worried that once their baby takes a bottle they won’t go back to the breast, but from my experience it is not like this at all!
The lactation specialist came to my house weekly for about 2 months. She is with the Lactation Network. She would sit with me and help work on the latch and also show me different breastfeeding positions. I remember being close-minded to some of the positions she showed me, and then I ended up using them. It really takes practice to get it right for you and your baby. She suggested that my baby begin cranial sacral therapy for his torticollis, so we went to an osteopath and slowly but surely she corrected the curve, and the right-sided latch kept getting easier.
A common concern is low supply, but there are several things that can be done to increase it. Oats are a big one! Making oatmeal is a great way to increase supply. A friend of mine also gave me these delicious cookies — Miracle Milkookies — which have lots of great ingredients that help the body make more milk. I remember having an oversupply from eating them daily. Definitely eat enough food throughout the day, and don’t try to lose weight or workout too hard. People don’t often lose most of their pregnancy weight until they stop breastfeeding.
Something that is so important is keeping baby close to the breast, on the skin, as often as possible, day and night. This promotes a great breastfeeding relationship and encourages the production of milk. I highly recommend breastsleeping, which is a form of cosleeping that allows your baby to have access to your milk all night. The book by James McKenna called Safe Infant Sleep is a great one to read! Due to the drowsy effects that breastfeeding has on the mother it’s really important that during the night you practice safe sleeping habits so that you don’t fall asleep in an odd position or on a recliner, resulting in suffocation to the baby. The c-curl position in bed is the safest way to breastfeed at night and it makes for a better night sleep for everyone!
Forget about measuring ounces and all of that, and definitely don’t put your baby on any sort of schedule. People ask me all the time how my baby is so big from breastmilk, and I tell them that I just let him eat whenever he wants! Babies know when they’re hungry, and if given the opportunity, they will eat whenever they need to. I’m always confident that he’s eating the amount he requires. We don’t need to structure everything for babies like they are robots. They have innate wisdom, and if we listen to them, we can respond accordingly and provide what they need.
What does not help breastfeeding is unnecessary stress and anxiety inflicted on the mother and baby from birth trauma and postpartum depression. Try your best to limit unnecessary inductions and c-sections that lead to a cascade of interventions resulting in preventable NICU stays. Separation of mom and baby is traumatic and can interfere with breastfeeding and milk supply. This is why having a birth doula has so many benefits, one being to help prepare for birth like your life depends on it, because it really does.
Continue staying curious! My baby recently started showing signs again of not comfortably latching on the right side. I could see his tension beginning to creep back especially with teething at play. Time to go back to get more bodywork! This time we went to a PT trained by the Upledger institute. Check out their website to find a trusted provider. I believe that most problems or discomforts for babies have solutions, and I don’t usually accept otherwise.
I would say it took me about 3 full months of frustration, and then slowly but surely, it just kept getting easier and easier. My advice is: don’t give up if it’s in your heart. See a lactation specialist, and don’t stop seeing them until you feel confident with the latch. Get bodywork done for your baby — it is life-changing for breastfeeding (and sleep) and everyone can benefit from it, but especially those who have more tension than others. Eat a good diet that promotes milk production, and work on regulating your nervous system to prevent stress and anxiety (way easier said than done). Keep your baby close to you! Skin to skin as often as possible, and on your chest day and night. Find a support system. Postpartum is not meant to be done alone — or even just with one partner. Ask friends, family, postpartum doulas, a nanny, and so forth for help. Asking for help was so hard for me, and I would often blow up by the time I needed to ask. You are not alone, and you can do this!
I’m happy to say that I’m still breastfeeding my baby after 8 months now, and I couldn’t be happier with how far we’ve come.
